Ten

Shit. Really important family stuff going on right now, I have to figure it all out. I have exams next week. Probably won't be on here for a little while. I feel so gross, I'm starting a fast tomorrow and doing it for at least a week.

Nine

Well today was better. Tomorrow is my last day of school which just makes everything better. I went to my honor board meeting today after school and didn't get an "honor code offense" so it won't be on my record and I'm not in any trouble. They said I didn't lie about anything, but I still skipped class, so I have detention tomorrow after school. Which is perfectly fine with me because I'll use it to study for exams. I went and signed up for all my dance classes for next year, and I'm excited about them. Some will be challenging but I can't waitt, I love dance. I've been doing it since I was like 2 and they put me in little yellow chick tutu's (: It's really not easy trying to fast when i'm at home every night. My mom always cooks dinner and she would start suspecting things if I didn't eat for like 4 days straight. It should be alot easier in the summertime though cos I won't be at home a lot. Ah I just need to really study for exams and do well on them, and then I'll be done with school! I'm so excited to get away from this school and this town for awhile. God this girl at school said something to me today and it just set me off. I was putting some Special K energy mix in my water and she comes over and starts lecturing me about how much to put it and blah blah. And then she takes it from me and goes OH MY GOD THERE'S 30 CALORIES IN THIS? EW. And she's not even thin at alll. She's really obsessed with everything she eats and talks about it nonstop. Thats all the can ever talk about. How many calories something has and how fatty it is and how much she's eaten today and how she's on a diet. I get so sick of it. I mean obviously I'm trying to lose weight too and worry about what I eat but i don't talk about it nonstop and let everyone know how I feel about my weight and all that shit. Hah well enough venting. I need to go studdyy. I read the first 11 chapters of Wintergirls and it's amazing so far, but I don't want to finish it really quickly so I put it on my bookshelf and I'm not letting myself read any more until after exams are over. Next wednesday afternoon I'll be reading like crazy. Ew I'm so fat, it grosses me out. I feel awful. I'm fasting tomorrow and friday and saturday to start with. I promise. And if I break the fast at all I'm not eating more than 100 calories at the most.

Eight

Today was an awful day. School is stressing me out so incredibly much. I found out that I did really badly on my english project and that brought my grade down to a D+. Are you kidding me? A D+? It's english, I should be doing so much better in that class. I realllly don't like my teacher, so I don't even feel like talking to him right now, but I definitely need to figure something out with him so I can bring my grade up. I still have a little while before I'm even going to college but I think about it all the time. My mom won't stop lecturing me about how much I don't take school seriously and how I don't care about my work and I goof off all the time and get distracted. And she brings up college's like every single day, and tells me I need to start looking at them and figuring things out, and I'm never going to get into a good one because I don't care about my grades. Ahhhh. Oh and my asshole of a chemistry teacher is sending me to "honor board" which is this comittee at my school where you go if you violated the honor code. Which is no lying, cheating, or stealing. Last week I felt terrible at school and was faint and dizzy but the nurse wouldn't let me lay down so I just went to lay down in the library. And this was during chemistry class and we had a test. So my teacher is claiming that I straight up skipped his class just so I didn't have to take the test. Even though I told him I could take the test later that day in study hall if he needed me too, so its not like I wasn't prepared. I ended up taking the test eventually and then a week later I find out he's sending me to honor board for lying about where I was during his class. But I didn't lie at all. I don't even know what this means cos I've never been to honor board before, but it's just really upsetting. Good news is, my friend loved her cake (: It was this insane two layer chocolate cake with 3 cupcakes ontop of that. Haha I love bakingg. And I'm doing alot better on the guitar lately which I took up last year. I'm learning the song Fever Dream by Iron and Wine. And I'm feeling pretty good about fasting or just not eating very much. I have the self-control and I really think I can do it. Ahh and I bought Wintergirls yesterday, I'm so excited to read it. I started it on the car ride home and it was amazing. Absolutely amazing. I love it. I read one of her other books and it was really good too, so I want to find some others. Now I probably should go study for exams or do homework, and then I'm going to a fundraising dinner later tonight. I keep putting off weighing myself because I'm scared I haven't done well, so I'm going to weigh thursday morning. Wish me luckk.

Seven

I went to urban outfitters todayyyy and got really cute clothes. I'm so excited. Lots of cute dresses (: And they were all either small and extra small, yay. It was so hot today, and humid. And I ate lunch with my brother and his girlfriend. I really wanted fruit, but the restaurant was out of fruit.. I don't even understand how that's possible. And then I wanted a house salad but the were out.. cool. So I ended up having to get a veggie quesidilla but it was very spicy. Blah. And now my friend is spending the night and we're baking some cakes for someone's birthday tomorrow! We're making a two layer cake and then putting cupcakes on top of it. Yay yay yay. It's going to be insaneee. My mom bitched at us at dinner cos we didn't eat our pasta. whatever. she's the only one who might notice my fast. and she makes dinner every night so I don't know what to do about that. Ah I guess I'll figure something out. Hopefully I can lose weight this weeek. Well I'll probably write more later, my cake is ready!

Six

Ah I have such a cute boyfriend. We just celebrated our 2 month anniversary, and since I made a plan for our 1 month, it was his turn. So comes to get me and tells me he forgot the blindfold, so I have to close my eyes, and we drive a half hour away to this condo he has in the mountains. And he walks me up there and I have absolutely no idea whats going on, and then we walk in and I see it. And he makes me dinner (: And we watched tv and stuffff. And I just got home. But I thought it was adorable that he made me dinner. He was like "welll I haven't cooked in awhile, this might take a few tries." But it was perfect. Yayy. So today wasn't too bad, food wise. I was in the car most of the day and I didn't get any gross fast food or anything like that so I feel good. I'm going to try and go to the gym tomorrow morning with my mom and then alot more this week. I reallyy want my colarbones to protrude alot. I like how that looks. I think I'm going to this new Urban Outfitters that just opened up near me, tomorrow, which is very exciting. Because I live in a very small town and there aren't many good clothing stores around here. I'm kind of nervous though cos I want to lose more weight before I buy new clothes. But maybe I can buy some that are too small, as a motivation. Oh and I think I'm going to go buy Wintergirls tomorrow, so I'm very excited to start reading that. Hopefully my mom won't ask me too many questions about it because she might get suspicious. Happy memorial, no school day (:

Five

I don't know. I need more of it. I haven't done awful today but I'm not happy. I literally almost just started crying because of how gross and fat I feel. I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. But it feels pathetic and weird because no one else understands. If i ever told anyone that I was upset because of my weight and I was really trying to lose weight, they would just laugh and tell me "oh you're so thin. are you crazy? you have the perfect body. you don't need to lose weight". That's what I hear from my mom and everyone else. But its really not true. And as soon as summer gets here it's even more dire that I lose weight so I can actually look semi-good on the beach. Ahhh I just want to be thin thin thin. I'm going to try and fast tomorrow and monday, as a start. If it goes well then I'll try next week. I want to go down to 105 and then I'll feel like I'm getting somewhere. At the moment, food just really grosses me out. I don't understand how there are such obese people in the world. How can you eat that much? Why do you need to eat at all? You need just enough to keep you alive, not to make you all jiggly and ugly. It's the strangest thing to me. Are these people happy? Do they like living their lives with limited mobility and plus sized clothing. I just don't see a need to eat. Thinking about food right now just makes me sick. Sorry if this is a ranting blog, but I'm just sort of going on about how I feel. I'll let you know how the fast goes. I'll be in the car tomorrow for most of the day so it shouldn't be hard. My boyfriend is doing something special for me for our 2 month anniversary tomorrow night, but I just hope we don't go out to dinner. I'm excited though (: He said we have to drive a half hour away, and he has to blindfold me.. I have absolutely no idea what he has planned. I'll let you knoww what happens! Sleep tighttt.

Four

Well I'm at my grandparents house until sunday. My grandpa seems to be doing pretty well, but who knows how he's really feeling. He would never say. It's nice being here though. Getting away from everything for awhile, getting away from all the stupid and unnecessary drama at home. I feel like I haven't done very well today, but that's how I always feel during road trips. Being in the car all day, even if I barely eat anything, just makes me feel fat. I need to excercise badlyy, so I'll probably do a lot of crunches and excercises later. Tomorrow I think we're going to do some shopping, maybe go by a cupcake store. I love love love baking (: And I love baking cupcakes so my grandma told me of a really cool bakery here. I'm actually really good with baking things and not eating them. I usually like to try what I made just to make sure its good, but sometimes I'll just get my mom to taste it cos I know she has good taste. I've been purging alot lately, I don't know why. I really don't like it but I just feel so gross when I eat anything. I wish I could just fast for awhile. I'm going to try and go on a fast sometime soon. Oh and I think next week I'm going to start being a vegan again, at least for a little while. I did it for a week awhile ago, and I felt healthier, it was just kind of hard. And it's also a very good excuse to refrain from eating lots of foods. I want to get to the point where people start really noticing that I'm losing weight. One time this year one of my teachers asked me if I was doing okay lately, cos I was looking thinner. And that made me so happy to hear that. That's probably the opposite of what it should make me feel, but I want to get so much thinner. I want people to notice. I just want to be beautiful and different and noticeable. Soon soon soon soonnn.

Three

Finally I have a little break from school. I have a four day weekendd (: Memorial day is on monday I think but for some reason we have friday and monday off. I was going to work because I haven't worked in forever, but my grandpa just got really sick recently so my mom and I are taking a trip to see him. We're leaving tomorrow at like 9 and driving about 5 hours. But it should be fun, my mom and I usually have fun when it's just the two of us. But my boyfriend and my 2 month anniversary is tomorrow night, so I won't be here with him. He told me he had a good plan for sunday night but he has to blindfold me.. ? Ha I'm kind of scaredd. I feel like I'm fine with self control and not eating, and I could fast for a long time. I'm fine with not eating breakfast and not eating lunch or during the day, but when I get home and my mom makes dinner, I cave in. Or I see something good in my fridge and I'm not good at resisting. So then it turns into purging which is okay, but I'd rather not do. Ah this sucks, I need helpp with just not eating. The summer should be easier because I'll be out alot of the time and won't be home very much for meals. I'm hoping to lose like 7 pounds in the next week and I think I can do it if I just really try. I'm going to try and remember to weigh myself tomorrow or sometime this weekend so I can start counting. God my school is awful. Today during one of my classes we walked downtown to get ice-cream. "Oh, you're not getting any ice-cream? What?" Then in our "seminar" period we had a study hall, but people were making and selling strawberry sundaes. "You want some of mine? Are you sure? ?Mmmm it's so good. Lets get some, come on!"
Ew. Stop it. I'll take the strawberry sundae minus the icecream and whipped cream and chocolate sauce. Gimme 4 strawberries please (:

Ah I'm nervous for this weekend because I'm going on a "road trip" with my mom and i'll be in the car all day with snacks and stuff. But I think I'll do really well being there all weekend and hopefully I will lose a few pounds by monday? I'll promise to weigh myself tomorrow and we'll see how I do. I'm thinking of going on a fruit diet next week. Mostly grapes because I've gotten into those latelyy and they're pretty healthy right? Alright well I don't know if I'll be able to blog any this weekend but I'll try my bestt. Goodnight!

Two

I'm at home for the day. I'm exhausted and have a bad headache and just do not feel well. I went to school for first period just to make my mom happy but then had her come get me because I wasn't feeling any better. It might have to do with the fact that I got no sleep last night.. My friend and I snuck out and went to my friends cousins house. We hung out with my friend, his cousin, and my boyfriend, and possibly didn't stay sober? (: Well it was fun at the time, but when i got home at 6 this morning and had to wake up at 645, that was terrible. I should plan these nights on the weekend from now on. So I'm at home, resting up and probably finishing a paper I have due today. Since my dance recital was this weekend, I don't have any dance classes anymore until next year which is nice because my schedule isn't so busy, but it was a really good workout. But I guess this gives me more time to go to the gym and go running. I keep forgetting to weigh myself in the morning so I'm not sure how much I weigh right now, but I'm going to weigh myself soon and then start a little chart for when I want to lose a certain number of pounds. I got the idea from Kate, her blog is called A Waste Of Kate, and it's amazing. It's what made me want to start my own site in the first place! Here's a link, you should definitely check it out. http://awasteofkate.blogspot.com/?zx=711260b298571eba
Alright well I'm going to try and get some sleep, but I might post some more thing laterr.

One

Well hi there (:
School is going to be over soon and I cannot wait for it to be summer. But I still have all my exams to take, which I'm not looking forward to at all. They shouldn't be too too bad, except for chemistry. It is honestly the hardest class I've ever taken in my life. I'm so awful at it, it's almost embarassing. I just hope I pass the exam and pass the class. Study study studyy. I just feel so stressed with everything piling up. Ahhhh. Everything will turn out fine though, right? (: Lollipops are really helping me if I get hungry. I have so many of them in my purse all the time. And also this tea I drink religiously. Its Diet Lipton Green tea and it's amazingg. It tastes really good even though it's diet. Yum. I had my dance recital this weekend and it went really welll. I had to miss my boyfriends prom on friday night though, and my prom on saturday night. That was upsettting, but it's okay. Apparently prom at my school sucked, as usual, because we're such a small school. Well I'm going to go finish some papers and work out.

Fasting

Cleanses, fasting and elimination diets are often a good way to initiate a weight loss and detoxification regimen. By their very nature these regimens shift the metabolic balance of the body in favour of catabolism: decreased nutrient consumption, increased utilization of stored energy, and increased elimination. All of these regimens require a strict adherence to a particular choice of foods and/or beverages, and the vigilance needed to maintain this regimen teaches one to pay close attention to dietary habits. After, when the fast or cleanse has ended, it's easy to return to a broad selection of healthy foods and feel like you are really treating yourself. Another benefit of cleansing and fasting when starting a weight loss regimen are the fairly immediate and sometimes even dramatic results. This is quite often very encouraging and provides for a continued effort to follow through on one's weight loss goals. There are several different kinds of fasts or cleanses, and they can be broken down into three basic regimens: water fasting, juice fasting or eating a simple diet.

Water Fasting

Water fasting will often promote the most immediate results weight loss results but should be avoided beyond two or three days, or if continued longer, should be medically supervised. If no nutrients other than water are consumed the body is forced to use up its available energy reserves. Glycogen, stored in muscle and liver tissue, is utilized first, but there is not enough to sustain the body and especially the brain, which requires 25% of the energy the body produces, for any great length of time. Once the glycogen is used up, the body begins breaking down stored fats (lipolysis) for energy. Without consuming any alkalizing substances the production of ketone bodies during lipolysis can lead to ketoacidosis. If the water fast continues the body will begin to break down the proteins in muscle tissue for the production of energy, leading to wasting and eventually, death.

Juice Fasting

Juice fasting combines the benefits of water fasting, with the introduction of alkalizing substances that help to buffer the blood against acidosis. Further, juice fasting provides somewhat of a psychological buffer since something of substance is being consumed. Juice fasting can also protect against hypoglycemia, but if the juices are consumed in excess, they can promote transient states of hyperglycemia, which can rebound into hypoglycemia. The best way to avoid this is to dilute the juices in half with water, and consume the juice over a longer period of time, such as 1 litre of juice slowly sipped over an hour. And, as Mohandas Gandhi said, "one should drink one's food, and chew one's juice." Chewing the juice by swishing it around in the mouth ensures that it undergoes some initial digestion in the upper gastrointestinal tract. There are many different kinds of fruits and vegetables that can be juiced, but in order to avoid inducing reactive hypoglycemia, vegetable juices, which have a lower sugar content, are used in preference to fruit juices. Apples are to some extent an exception to this rule, as some of its long chain polysaccharides such as pectin slow it's digestion. Some of the most commonly juiced vegetables are carrot, beet, celery, cucumber and cabbage, but any number of other vegetables can be added, including herbs such as fresh cilantro, garlic, ginger, basil and parsley. Strong tasting vegetables or herbs should be used in lesser quantity in order to make the juice palatable. Also, if you plan on using any of the cruciferous vegetables (cabbage, broccoli) it's a good idea to include a little bit of ginger to prevent bloating and flatulence. A typical juice might be 4 large carrots, 1 beet, 1 medium cucumber, 2 stalks of celery, with parsley and basil to taste. Another juice that's a little sweeter is equal parts carrot and apple, with a finger of ginger thrown in for a little 'kick.' There are virtually endless combinations, allowing you to experiment with different tastes and colours. Typically, a juice fast can last anywhere from 3 to 7 days.

Fast Preparation

Whether it's a juice fast or water fast, some measure of preparation is required before beginning them. If you are a drinker, a smoker or like your coffee, it's a good idea to wean these items out of your diet before going on the fast. Indulging in them while fasting corrupts the whole purpose of going on fast in the first place. If you take any prescription drugs it's a good idea to check with your doctor or pharmacist to see if the drugs you are taking must be taken with food. If you are diabetic, then water or juice fasting is not the best approach to cleansing. If the body is particularly toxic work your way into the fast slowly, consuming only raw fruits and vegetables the first day, a complete water fast for the next 2-3 days, followed by a juice fast over the next 4-6 days.

Effects of Fasting

Water fasting and/or juice fasting are not the best approaches to undertake while continuing with your busy life. It's a time to go inward, to meditate, paint and play music, a time to remove the burden of everyday responsibility and allow true cleansing to occur. Some of the initial symptoms that can occur during the first 3 - 4 days of fasting include headaches, temperature sensitivity, fatigue and irritability. There may be withdrawal symptoms, such as a craving for bread or milk, which may be indicative of addictive food allergies, or a craving for other addictive substances, like tobacco and alcohol.

Useful Tips

• Sleep at least 8 hours a night because lack of sleep will lead to hunger.


• Write your goal weight on your hand & look at it whenever you want to eat.


• Exercise to burn calories & occupy your time.


• Buy a pair of jeans that are one size too small & work hard to fit into them.


• Only eat in front of a mirror or other people.


• Compete with somebody else to see who will lose the most & who will lose the fastest.


• Pick a thinspirational quote that you like & say it or write it when you feel hungry.


• Keep a diary or agenda of everything you eat & its nutritional value everyday.


• Take diet pills to help speed up your metabolism & control what you eat.


• If you have to eat something & you don't plan to purge then eat something spicy to boost your metabolism.


• Don't think about what you miss out on by not eating, but think of all the new things you can try when you're thin.


• Keep a thinspiration journal to read when you're not working on it & work on when you're not reading it.


• Decorate the inside of your door with thinspirational pictures.


• Keep a stack of magazines weighing the same amount that you want to lose & as you lose more you can remove magazines from the stack.


• Count to 100 when you're going into binge mode to give yourself time to regain control.


• Go to the library instead of the cafeteria to avoid lunch.


• Wear a rubber band around your wrist & snap it when ever you feel hungry.


• Get cozy & warm in your bed so that you won't want to get up to eat.


• Make it a rule that you always have to burn twice the calories you consume & the thought of all the exercising you will have to do will convince you not to binge.


• Take a nap to waste the time that you could be binging.


• Always fidget & never stop moving even if you're just tapping your foot or twiddling your thumbs.


• Take a cold shower to force your body to burn more calories trying to maintain your body temperature.


• Take a hot shower to suppress your appetite.
  Burn calories & avoid binging by chewing sugar free gum.


• Chew on ice cubes if you're really hungry to trick your body into thinking that it's eating.


• Make a scrapbook of people you want to be as thin as.
  Curl up in a ball to tame hunger pains.


• Clean whether you need to or not to burn more calories & occupy your time.


• Never eat after 7pm so that you're food is digested before you go to bed.


• Create a playlist of all your favorite songs & exercise until all the songs have played completely through.


• Request all sauces & dressings on the side when you're at a restaurant.


• Take a sips of water between each bite.


• Set down fork after each bite.


• Say that you've already eaten when asked to join a meal.


• Use smaller plates to give the impression that you have more food.


• Chew your food & spit it out. It will trick your body into thinking you ate.


• You burn 10% more calories by simply sitting up straight.


• Use your monthly cycle as an excuse for not being able to eat due to bloating & cramps.


• Eat spicy foods with low calories to boost your metabolism.


• Use calorie free sweeteners instead of sugar.


• Designate one day out of the week to weigh yourself & avoid the scale on all other days to avoid discouragement & binging.

The Details

Hello, my name is Grace and I'm the owner of this site.
It's my first blog so please bear with me in the beginning !
I hope you like everything. Let me know if you have any suggestions.