Four

Well I'm at my grandparents house until sunday. My grandpa seems to be doing pretty well, but who knows how he's really feeling. He would never say. It's nice being here though. Getting away from everything for awhile, getting away from all the stupid and unnecessary drama at home. I feel like I haven't done very well today, but that's how I always feel during road trips. Being in the car all day, even if I barely eat anything, just makes me feel fat. I need to excercise badlyy, so I'll probably do a lot of crunches and excercises later. Tomorrow I think we're going to do some shopping, maybe go by a cupcake store. I love love love baking (: And I love baking cupcakes so my grandma told me of a really cool bakery here. I'm actually really good with baking things and not eating them. I usually like to try what I made just to make sure its good, but sometimes I'll just get my mom to taste it cos I know she has good taste. I've been purging alot lately, I don't know why. I really don't like it but I just feel so gross when I eat anything. I wish I could just fast for awhile. I'm going to try and go on a fast sometime soon. Oh and I think next week I'm going to start being a vegan again, at least for a little while. I did it for a week awhile ago, and I felt healthier, it was just kind of hard. And it's also a very good excuse to refrain from eating lots of foods. I want to get to the point where people start really noticing that I'm losing weight. One time this year one of my teachers asked me if I was doing okay lately, cos I was looking thinner. And that made me so happy to hear that. That's probably the opposite of what it should make me feel, but I want to get so much thinner. I want people to notice. I just want to be beautiful and different and noticeable. Soon soon soon soonnn.